Should You Be Dating Online? An Honest Take From a Dating Coach
There’s a lot of noise on the internet about online dating. Some people swear by it, others swear at it. On one hand, we’ve all heard someone say, “Online dating is so desperate,” or, “I could never meet someone that way.” On the other hand, the data doesn’t lie — online dating is now the number one most common way that couples meet.
So where do I stand?
Honestly? I think online dating is great.
And — I also think most people shouldn’t be doing it.
Let me explain.
Online dating is not a magic fix for your love life. It’s not a replacement for strong relationship skills. What it is, is an amplifier. It magnifies whatever is already going on beneath the surface.
If you’re great at communicating in real life, you’ll probably handle online dating well. But if you tend to overthink, struggle to express your needs, or feel unsure about how to read people’s energy in person… online dating might just make things worse.
Think about it:
- If you struggle with communication IRL, texting and messaging on apps is going to feel like decoding hieroglyphics.
- If you don’t have firm boundaries in real life, you’re likely going to end up drained — constantly checking apps, over-sharing with strangers, or feeling like you’re always “on.”
- And if discernment isn’t your strong suit, you’re at serious risk of wasting time, getting emotionally invested too quickly, or worse — falling for someone who isn’t who they say they are (Catfish wasn’t just a show — it was a warning).
So before you jump into the swiping game, let’s make sure you’re playing it intentionally. Because dating online is only worth it when you’re doing it from a grounded, secure place.
Here’s what I recommend if you do decide to date online:
1. Don’t put all your eggs in the digital basket.
Dating is a numbers game, yes — but it’s not just about quantity. The best approach is a hybrid one. Meet people online and in person. Go to events, say yes to setups, be open to a “meet-cute” at the grocery store — but also swipe strategically. This widens your pool without making you dependent on your phone for connection.
2. Set boundaries — with the apps and yourself.
Online dating can be exhausting if you let it run your life. So don’t.
- Choose 1–2 apps to focus on. That’s it.
- Set a time limit. Maybe 15–20 minutes a day.
- Turn off notifications when you’re not actively using them.
- Don’t feel pressure to constantly respond or keep conversations going out of politeness. You’re allowed to have standards.
3. Shift your mindset: You’re not “online dating,” you’re “online meeting.”
Dating apps should be a tool for connection — not a place to live. Your goal isn’t to have pen pals. It’s to meet in real life. So get in, match, and move the conversation off the app quickly.
Have a phone call. Set up a casual meetup. Get a sense of who they are before you emotionally invest. The faster you can determine compatibility, the less time you’ll waste.
4. Have accountability.
It’s easy to get caught up in the butterflies of a new connection. That’s why it’s so important to have someone to talk things through with. Whether it’s a therapist, coach, or wise friend — don’t try to navigate dating in isolation.
You need someone who will lovingly call you out, remind you of your worth, and help you stay grounded when your heart wants to sprint ahead.
Bottom line? Online dating isn’t good or bad. It’s just a tool. But like any tool, it’s only helpful if you know how to use it well.
So if you’re doing the inner work, building your confidence, strengthening your discernment, and holding your standards high? Then yes — online dating can be an amazing place to meet someone aligned.
But if you’re feeling anxious, burned out, or unsure of what you’re looking for? It’s okay to take a pause, recalibrate, and come back when you’re ready.
Because love is never out of reach — but you do have to be in the right mindset to receive it.
💻 Want some support as you navigate online dating with discernment, confidence, and boundaries that honor you?
Let’s chat. I offer one-on-one coaching for women who are ready to stop settling and start dating like the high-value woman God created them to be.
You can book a free call here to explore working together:
👉 https://calendly.com/keshiarice/cherished
