Stop Accepting Struggle Love

Let me tell you about the time I built a man.

I was in my early-20s, and I decided it was time to settle down and find a partner. So I met a man who looked fairly good on paper. He was Christian, tall and good-looking, well-educated, and funny. There was only one problem.

He seriously lacked ambition.

I told myself that would be no problem. I could motivate him to work harder. And I did. He had a job, but not in the field he went to school for. So I used my connections to get him a better job. He told me that he and I couldn’t take our relationship further until he made more money. So I bought him nicer clothes for work. I helped him strategize how he would ask his boss for a raise. I created his PowerPoint presentation for him, and wrote him a script. I took him to networking events, and introduced him to people in case his boss didn’t promote him. He told me he wanted to save up money, so I didn’t complain when he wanted to stay in and have me cook instead of going out to dinner. Whenever he overstepped a boundary, I didn’t speak up because “he was dealing with a lot,” and I didn’t want to stress him out.

Wanna know how that worked out? He got his promotion — and left me for another woman. I saw pictures of them on Facebook, and he was wearing the clothes I bought him. After he left, I found out he had stolen money from me. I don’t know how he’s doing now, but the woman he left me for did call me a year later. He had lost the job because he was always late. He moved in with her, but didn’t pay rent. And he also stole money from her, and left town. She had called me hoping I could help track him down.

There is an epidemic of women who are accepting struggle love. Women who are allowing men to come into their lives, walk all over their boundaries, use the woman, and leave her financially, emotionally, and mentally worse than when they met. Struggle love is not love — it is abuse. You do not get a trophy for allowing a man to emotionally abuse you and take advantage of you for a long period of time. Allowing someone to take advantage of your vulnerability and loyalty is not a flex. Being in a struggle relationship is not about proving your love for someone else. It shows the lack of love you have for yourself.

--

--

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store