The Danger of Settling
Do me a favor. Close your eyes, and recall your past relationships. In how many of those relationships were you settling?
Women settle wayyy too often in relationships. Has this ever happened to you? You meet a man, and he’s interested in you, but you are not interested in him. But after he pursues you for a few weeks or a few months, you decide, “maybe I will give him a chance.” So you go out with him because he was nice. Or because friends or family told you were being too picky, and you should give him a chance. Or because you could see some potential. You date this man for a few weeks, or a few months, and then he stops being so caring. He becomes abusive, or he cheats, or he leaves you for someone else.
I’ve been there, and it sucks. So let me share with you what I’ve learned.
Settling is not about dating someone who isn’t good enough for you. That’s not a thing. No person is too good or not good enough for anyone, so please let your ego go. Settling is being with a partner you are not aligned with. You get into the relationship, and you immediately realize you have to make a compromise for things to work. And that’s fine, right? Relationships are about compromise. But what happens when you have to compromise again? And again? And again? What happens when you are compromising so much that you are no longer happy in the relationship? That you no longer recognize yourself? That you can’t even remember what your original boundaries and standards were?
I get it. You settle because you are afraid that you’ll never meet the right person. Or because you’re afraid you did meet the right person, but pushed him away. Or you’re afraid that if you were to meet the right person, he would not want to be with you.
I have a few things to say about that. One, God is not a tease. He does not put desires in our hearts just to not give them to us. Two, there’s no such thing as “right person, wrong time.” If you are meant to be with someone, everything else in your life with align to make it happen. And three, just because you were rejected before, that doesn’t mean you are unworthy. Have you ever considered that your rejection was paving the way for better people and better things?
You deserve an abundant life. Not just a wealthy life — although I want that for you as well — but a life of joy, ease, and alignment. And that includes your relationships. Instead of settling for struggle love, and trying to mold a bad relationship into a good one, why not focus on attracting a partner truly meets your needs, and refusing to settle for anything less?
Here’s the part where I’m going to ask you for another favor! Make a commitment in your life on what you are no longer willing to tolerate, and make it public. Make a Story or a post on Instagram with “I am no longer willing to settle for ____ in my life.” Be sure to tag me @keshiarice
Resources for You to Check Out
Book: Loving Bravely by Alexandra H. Solomon PhD
Podcasts: Confidently Cherished — Do This Before Giving Up on Dating
